Faith….

According to Merriam-Webster, faith is a firm belief in something for which there is no proof. 

Do you have faith? I will be the first to admit, I have not always been as faithful as I should have been. When tough times hit, I used to be the first person to get angry or act on emotions without clear-headed thinking. I would feel this sudden sense of urgency to take care of the problem as soon as I could. That thinking got me into more trouble and problems than I care to admit. Now, as a middle-aged woman, I can sit back and see all the times I needed to be still and have faith. Maybe things would have turned out better. Maybe I should have trusted that things would work out exactly as they should. It’s taken me a long while to accept that through all of the struggles, God knew everything I was going to do even before I did. He also knew I may have needed to go through those things to learn some hard lessons and finally develop the faith and longing for a more personal relationship with Him. My faith journey began back in 2015. I was a hot mess.

I was stagnant. I had been stuck in a really hard place for a few years. I knew I was capable of so much more and yet I was not able to reach out and grab it. Going through a period of difficulty can play a number on your self confidence and sense of self worth. If you do not have a strong support system at home, it makes the healing and perseverance all the more difficult. Did I mention, I had not been to church in years. I had been angry at God for certain events that devastated me and hurt loved ones. I could not find it in me to trust Him when the people I loved the most were taken from me. I never stopped to think that someday I would understand how all things work together for a greater purpose. 

I was very lucky that in spite of my hurt and anger, God put the right people in my life at just the right time. They helped me see that God had never left me. He was there all along. Although He could not control some of the things that happened to me, He was always there for me to turn to in my time of need. I have learned that now. He is the first one I want to reach out to in difficult times. He is the one I want to say “Thank You!” to when I receive good news or a blessing. 

This period of loss and renewal has taught me so much about myself and the whole process of letting go, accepting what is, and finally; learning to be still and have faith. I feel like I have a ways to go to finish healing and growing but I am on the right path to “home” for the first time in a very long time. 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s