These are two of my biggest companions I have been living with recently and maybe even for the last few years, if I am being completely honest. I have experienced more grief in the last few years than at any other time in my life. Frankly, I am over it. I am ready for anything that feels better than those two feelings. I also understand that experiencing all of these emotions over the last few years has helped me grow and gain wisdom. It has been part of my healing journey as well.

Here are some things I have learned about grief and longing….

Grief is part of love. If I did not feel grief, that translates to–I did not know love. Grief is letting go of someone or something special to you that you loved deeply. Grief is deep sadness and even despair. The deep sadness and emptiness that comes from experiencing grief can be all-consuming. It is a dark pit of hopelessness that can quickly take over your entire well-being with illness, depression, angst, and even longing. The longing—that intense longing for something you lost or something you never had. For me, it is a black hole that can suck everything out of me that is hopeful. I have had to struggle so much with owning that void of darkness. It is part of me, too. I am not afraid of it anymore. 

When I was a young girl and even a young woman, I used to try so hard to avoid feeling my feelings. I would try to be stoic and do anything I could to avoid feeling that “feeling.” I would use distractions and I will be honest, vices. Now, as a middle-aged woman with more life experience and wisdom under my belt, I know that in order to heal and move forward, I have to feel everything and let it flow through and out from me. It is ok to ride those waves of turmoil and pain because it is part of life and when I allow it to flow as it should; I find relief and some small token of peace that I can hold onto. I am not ashamed of my pain or tears anymore. I understand it is just pain leaving my body so that more love can enter someday. 

I hope that when you feel grief or longing, you allow yourself to feel it. Give into it. Share it with your words too. It is like a purging that brings relief. It also is like riding the seas–sometimes it is violent and sometimes the waters are calm. That is normal too. It is nothing to be ashamed of. Maybe if we opened our hearts and minds more to sharing our true feelings and pain, there would be more healing happening amongst us.